Monday Hustle: DO Marry Career Women, A Rebuttal
I often wonder about the male species. Not all of them of course, I dare not tar them all with the same brush. But one male in particular has recently caught my attention, and not in a polite or endearing way, might I add. This guy has written a veeeery long essay convincing others not to marry a 'career woman'. Being the creative that he is, it's called Don't Marry A Career Woman.
I'm sorry, what? Did I actually read that right? Yes, yes I did.
To summarise his blog post, here are the basic principles which he has backed up with (apparently) 'reliable' scientific sources:
1. A career woman is less likely to get married, much to her partner's disappointment.
2. If said partner does marry her, they are more likely to get divorced.
3. A career woman is more likely to cheat on her spouse.
4. A career woman is less likely to want or have kids.
5. If a career woman and her spouse do have kids, she is more likely to be unhappy.
6. The house will be dirtier.
7. Her spouse will be unhappy if a career woman makes more than them.
8. A career woman will be unhappy if she makes more than her spouse.
9. Her spouse is more likely to fall ill.
So, in a nutshell, according to this writer, the perfect wife can't have a fulfilling full-time job or job prospects, must be a domesticated goddess and apparently be the antidote for all of her spouse's ailments? Pah.
Women have made huge strides in recent decades to make decisions for the betterment of their lives. The pay gap is (slowly, very slowly) closing, but is still an issue, especially for women of colour. Wider awareness campaigns for health and sex education are appearing. More women are choosing a lifestyle that suits them, like choosing to not have children in exchange of doing more and seeing more in the world. More women (but still not enough) are filling boardrooms and beginning to dominate previously-male orientated fields, such as science, maths, sports and finance. Tesco just removed the tampon tax from feminine hygiene products sold in its stores.
And yet, writers like this one undermine all of that hard work by suggesting that women are incapable of being dedicated to both their partners and their careers simultaneously. I'm not one for gender stereotypes, but what was it they said about women being able to multitask? Because actually, in my experience, I find that one to be true, especially in this circumstance!
Personally, I think this guy may be bitter from not having a fulfilling relationship with a woman himself (if that be his sexual preference). And, if women aren't his sexual preference, then why does he feel the need to chime in and tell heterosexual men - or queer women - what makes a dateable female? If it's down to bitterness, then he needs to assess his own wants and needs and discover how he needs to fulfil himself; perhaps he is just incapable of handling a woman who can hold her own and/or have a passion for something other than him. (In addition to that, regardless of whether he is basing this on his own experiences, he has zero justification to pass such comment on women and the way that they choose to live their lives, because it's none of his damn business anyway.) And if it's the case that he doesn't wish to be in a relationship with a woman, then he doesn't need to worry about career women, but direct his attention elsewhere, perhaps a career man. Funnily enough, I don't think there will be journals demoralising or objectifying career-focused men to nothing but well-behaved househusbands, do you?
I actually had to laugh after reading this bullshit (not once, but twice) because of how utterly depressing he makes marriage to a strong female sound. I loved reading the comments that people submitted as a rebuttal to the piece, stories of true equality and balance between husband and wife in both careers and family duties. A partner should be aware from the very early stages of dating what a woman's priorities are, including her career. That's part of getting to know each other and knowing how compatible you are. If a man doesn't like it, then find a woman more compatible. Don't wait two years only to discover that she doesn't want marriage or kids, but loves her career and happily works 60 hours a week. That's not a relationship; that's his deaf fantasy and resentment. Let her go and find a partner who understands her strengths and supports it as well as being able to be supported by her in return.
And whilst I'm at it, for fuck's sake, don't blame a woman for getting ill! Blame the bloody germs you contract from not washing your hands after a visit to the urinals!
Maybe this bloke accidentally stumbled across some extra-terrestrial journals from a world where they perhaps do not have a concept of equal rights, or respect for a working woman, or really any understanding of happy matrimony? I could write a million-word rant about this one, but as a career woman myself, I do not need to grant this any further attention. I choose to work as hard as I do because I enjoy it, and my future husband will know that. I also know that I will continue to have passion for my career until I decide otherwise, no matter how many 'scientific' references are thrown at me.
By all means, don't just take my word for it! Read it for yourself and let us know what you think!