Fat Babe Talking: Keep On, Keep On Going

Fat Babe Talking: Keep On, Keep On Going

Ten years ago today, I was preparing to graduate from high school. Everyone seemed to have their next steps mapped out except for me. I didn’t know what I wanted to do, or where I wanted to go to college. I was pretty terrified actually. I felt like a disappointment compared to my friends who had loads of options before them, because unlike me they were actually successful in preparing a post high school plan. But I was only 16! I couldn’t drive and could barely cook a meal more complicated than spaghetti bolognese, and yet I was expected to make massive decisions that would literally determine the course that my life would take?

Five years ago today, I was probably on a bus headed to the apartment that I shared with four others girls. I’d probably hang outside waiting for the lights to go off before I went in because I didn’t want to endure any more passive aggressive bullying. I wouldn’t have known it at the time, but this was the beginning of a downward spiral in my life. In a few months time, I’d be unemployed, homeless, and suicidal with no idea how to improve my situation. Yet again, I would feel like a failure compared to those around me, though, I’d lose many friends during this period so there were very few around me in fact. 

One year ago today, I was probably jet lagged on a couch putting off unpacking my suitcases while my life sat in limbo as my partner and I desperately tried to throw together a wedding. I was terrified something would go wrong. Whether it would be the British government saying we couldn’t get married, or I couldn’t stay in the country once we were already married, I didn’t know, but I was positive something would go wrong. I can be a bit of a pessimist at times. Life felt like a bit of a whirlwind and totally different from any remote vision I’d had for how it would go. I wasn’t coping with my anxiety well, to the point where I had panic attacks in public when I had to use public transport by myself. I wasn’t sure if I’d ever assimilate, nor if life in this new place would ever feel normal. I just tried to remain focused on the advice of those close to me: 'You have to give it time and see where things go'. 

Today, I’m sitting in a hotel room suite in Essex listening to Fast Car by Jonas Blue as I write this column. I had to take two buses, two trains, and a tube to get here. I’ve made peace with my travel-based anxiety for the most part. I’m staying here overnight in preparation for an Account Managers’ Meeting at Benefit Cosmetics Head Office tomorrow. I have a great job, that I love and that pays me better than I ever thought I’d earn at 26 years old. A far cry from my days of being homeless and unemployed. I’m even a homeowner! Life is comfortable, but not easy by any means. There are still ups and down mentally which is to be expected, but sitting here writing this I can’t help but reflect on where I’ve been and where I am, and think about how good life is right now. I’ve persevered through some excruciating circumstances and never gave up no matter how dire things became, even though I wanted to give up time and time again. 

Life is going to throw curveballs some times, and pushing through can feel like the most impossible task. I can’t stress how important it is to keep going, because you never know what experiences will be waiting for you on the other side.

This Group Of Young Activists Have Recreated Iconic Film And TV Posters With Black Characters And It's Brilliant

This Group Of Young Activists Have Recreated Iconic Film And TV Posters With Black Characters And It's Brilliant

7 Things You Can Do To Celebrate International Women's Day Today

7 Things You Can Do To Celebrate International Women's Day Today

Squad Log In
Hey there, (First Name)!

Forgot? Show
Log Me In
Enter the Squad Area
See My Squad Profile Not part of the Squad yet? Log Me Out