Humpday: Strength Is For The Women Who Like Being Alone, Right?

Humpday: Strength Is For The Women Who Like Being Alone, Right?

Today is a particularly gushy one. Actually, I'm unapologetic about this week’s theme because I know that this feeling has been had by MANY, especially by us fat babes. 

I am a strong person. That trait has been developed through years of being a strong daughter and granddaughter, a strong sister, a strong friend for my besties who need support, and when I have been in a relationship, a strong girlfriend. I've remained single more than been in a relationship simply because I do not want to settle for an unequal relationship. This level of resilience has been built not only because I won't let people give up on themselves, but because I'm a teenager-who-thought-she-was-fat-turned-actually-fat woman. That means that both the internal and external demons of body negativity have had their plagues at times, but I prescribed myself a medicine of no-fucks-given, and that plays a huge part in my strength. 

But there is one thing that this makes me wonder: When society heavily acknowledges strength as a male trait, does that deem strong females unworthy of love for their strength? Particularly when your armour is the fat around your belly and arms that you can’t — and won’t — unsheathe? What becomes of us when that armour is perpetuated by standards set up by the very same society that teaches men that strong, fat women are potentially undatable?

I lay there at night thinking about how maybe giving no fucks makes me intimidating to men, and therefore no one will want to date me. I have a cycle of thoughts about how by being ‘the strong but fat one’, a potential future boyfriend might not be strong enough to be the strength I need when I'm weak and the demons are back. I then worry about whether I'll end up being the one taking care of them all the time, and having no-one take care of me. The thought of being unworthy of love cripples me into a sobbing mess that only the shadows of my room know about. 

This may seem stupid. It’s okay, I think it is stupid too. We could do a ‘Maria is being stupid' dance together, because it seems like I'm moaning about being strong. But strength to have that much of a no-fucks-given attitude takes a lot of mental resilience alone, which on a bad day leads to one small thought turning into a stream of negative mental downpour. It’s not that I’m not okay with being single — I’m totally fine with that — as I know I wouldn't settle for anything less than I know I deserve.

Regardless of the nights of mental anguish, I would rather continue to be a strong fat babe than whittle myself down into someone I am not, and I don’t mean physically. Plus, I know that I am worthy of love with all of my traits, and if someone is intimidated by my strength, then they don’t deserve a place in my life. I hope that all you strong fat babes know that you are worthy of love, too. Ignore the self-doubt that's telling you that you are not worthy of a relationship, especially a relationship of strength. You deserve the world for being so strong, with or without a significant other.

Your stories - the good, the bad, the ugly, and the awkward - have continued to make our day, and every week, we want to hear YOUR stories. Send them via The Unedit's Instagram, Twitter or Facebook. Keep ‘em coming. (No pun intended.)

Happy Humpday.