Humpday: The Case Of The Ex (Not The Mya Song)
It’s been days. Weeks. Months. You've just got over the heartbreak of a broken relationship and you’ve finally accepted your single-dom. You look over at your phone to see that you have a text. You open the text and see it’s from the one person you’ve hoped for: your ex.
They want to see you. Just a casual thing, to go round their's and watch a film. It’s just a harmless catch up, you tell yourself. Until hours later you're rolling over each other’s naked bodies after a little too much of a catch up. Whoops.
This happens a hell of a lot, and it’s completely understandable. You have a history together, there may still be feelings, albeit even just a soft spot for each other, and you're already both familiar with each other’s bodies, so no awkwardness.
I did exactly this a few years ago. My boyfriend had broken up with me and I had sent him a goodbye letter a week after we broke up as my closure, to get everything out that I wanted to, to say goodbye. I knew we weren’t meant to be together, and like a fairly-normalish woman, I cried for ages then got over it. Two months later, he messaged to acknowledge that he had read my letter over and over, and from there we started chatting regularly. We knew we didn’t want to get back together, but our chemistry still sizzled in other ways, so we began meeting up roughly every two weeks to get drunk and have sex. We knew what it was and we were on the same page. That is, until he started dating other people.
Although we knew we weren’t getting back together and didn't feel that way for each other anymore, the lines started to blur a bit and it got complicated on his part. Partly because he was the one who would initiate the sex when hanging out, even though he was the one dating. He’d only got as far as a second date at that point with them, but I questioned his understanding of what we were doing. I chose to stop so that he could commit to dating other people. And in hindsight, that was a good point to stop all contact and finally shut that door.
I had a good experience because he was a good friend and I don't regret our sexual-only-relationship post breakup; however I know plenty of friends and acquaintances who were literally sleeping with the enemy, the guy that not only broke their heart, but tore them to shreds, leaving a little piece of them wrapped around their little finger to use for sex. In this situation, sleeping with your ex is not a good idea, because you're not the one in control, and that's the mindset you need to be able to sleep with an ex.
Some people are able to do it. I'm able to compartmentalise my emotions from my desires, so I know that with certain people, for example my ex, sex is sex and that's it. I mentally established boundaries, discussed those boundaries with my ex, and everything was easy peasy. However, if sleeping with your ex is a hope to spark the relationship again, or they treat you like shit even though you aren’t even together, then don't put up with that. You are worth so much more than being their disposable side piece. You are not disposable. You are a sexual goddess. And don't let anyone ever try and convince you otherwise.
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