Humpday: Dating And Fantasising Outside Of Your Age Bracket
I enter a room. There’s a tall dark stranger with his back to me. I walk straight up to him and kiss him passionately. We undress quickly and start going at it. My vision focuses on his face... Oh shit. It’s Alan Rickman (rest in peace Half-Blood Prince). And not Alan Rickman at a younger age, we're talking Sheriff of Nottingham, i.e. Alan Rickman only three years back.
I wake up in a quick pant with sweat dripping down my brow. Hopefully this is just a panic dream from my obvious temperature rise during the night. Or... Do I have a thing for older people?
When talking about celebrity crushes amongst friends, I have often favoured older men; the more hairy, chunky men that are 10+ years older, the likes of Danny McBride, Seth Rogen and Jonah Hill. (Suggestion: the whole of their squad in an orgy-sandwich. Jay Baruchel and James Franco can join in too.) But that's no big deal, right? That's because they are of course regarded as handsome men and within the constraints of a what is seen as a socially acceptable age gap. So what about if you add a few more years, say 20+, even 30+? Suddenly, you fancy a bit of Denzel Washington - oh, hey! - or Harrison Ford. Not 40 years ago as Hans Solo, not as Indiana Jones (although he can bring that whip with him...), the present day silver fox. Or maybe Whoopi Goldberg or Dame Helen Mirren are your cup of tea? The silver vixens.
I personally have been with an older man before. There was a 12 year age gap, and I thought that being with an ‘older’ man might mean he was more mature. My assumptions were totally wrong, but he was still an older man nonetheless. However, that’s not to say I haven’t had the odd dream about older people, cue Alan Rickman. And it turns out, many of my friends have too. I share Alan Rickman with someone who revealed her 'older guy fantasy' in conversation on a train, and another loves Samuel L. Jackson because how could you not? Another unexpected name on the list was David Attenborough – her argument simply being that his soothing voice could hypnotise her into bed with him.
Hallelujah, I am free of judgement! How freeing it is to know that not only am I not alone in my fantasy, but that as more people admit their fantasies, social stigmas around fancying older people slowly diminishes. Instead of being met with an ‘ugh’ you're met with a ‘me too!’, and that alone helps.
There's nothing wrong with an older person if that's your preference, be it fantasising or in reality, because at the end of the day, age is nothing but a number. It's normal to fantasise about older people, and equally as - if not more - normal to actually date one in real life. Look at Nick Offerman and Megan Mullally, she's 15 years his senior, and it's nothing! They, alongside plenty of other couples both in and out of the limelight are paving the way for larger age gaps in relationships and rocking it! Even outside of relationships, no big deal.
I’m not saying I’m going on the prowl at a residential home (too far, Maria, too far!), but, if I happen to be on a dating site anytime soon or approached by someone older, who knows. An old school acquaintance has just started a life with a man 16 years her senior. Maybe she has the right idea and is ahead of the game. After all, grey is rather becoming…
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