Humpday: Fatties Have Sex, Too
I believe that everyone should be able to have sex. It’s humpday, so everyone who wants to go have sex right now, go have sex! Go forth and gird your loins for some loving. But when the word fat is mentioned? Suddenly there are mixed reactions. Either people run for the hills (because they can run without looking like Alan Carr, unlike me) or you become a glittering trophy. But are you being seen as a trophy in the way that you want to be?
For some reason, fat sex seems to be a threatening topic for a lot of people, especially people who do not follow the body positive or sex positive movements. The only fat sex most people have seen is on porn sites or in the deep dark depths of the black web, so it’s only natural for them to see fat sex as fetishised and turned into a taboo topic. I’m sorry (not sorry) to burst their bubble: fat sex is beyond the BBW category and is the same sex that everyone else is having, if not better.
What?! Regular sex? I know, I can hear the sound of jaws dropping everywhere too.
Regular practices of porn involving fat women include gut flopping, where 'a large bellied individual raises his or her stomach and allows it to drop upon his or her sexual partner in a way that creates a smack sound [and] is an act performed for sexual pleasure' (according to the ever-reliable source, Urban Dictionary). A variant of gut flopping that seems to be popular among a minority of men is ‘BBW squashing’, which essentially involves men being squashed by one or more ‘big beautiful women’ for sexual pleasure, and also known as ‘crushing’ or ‘smashing’ by enthusiasts. Although I'm supportive of these women’s life choices as a feminist, these fetishised ideals of sex are not representative of all us fatties. Surprisingly, not all of us want to slap someone with our belly rolls. This goes the same for motor-boating or ‘titty-fucking’ if we have larger breasts. I already moisturised my boobs thank you, I don’t need a guy getting saliva and good knows what else all over them.
Don't get me wrong, if this is your kinda thing, great, but it's practices like these that have turned fatties into a fetish. Similar to how some men and women only want to date/shag a person of a certain race or colour hair, some men and women have turned fatties into their personal play things for sexual desire, or a checkbox to tick off their list of 'Different Types of People I Have Shagged That I Wouldn’t Normally Find Attractive, Or Even Respect, But Make My List Longer’.
It's also very hard for a lot of fat people to own their sexual identities. Part of the message fat people receive is one of de-sexualisation. Fat sexual identity is denied to us because society is fatphobic and sees us as eating machines rather than people who feel emotion and desire. The most body-positive fatty in the world, however much they sexualise themselves with the way they dress and act, will likely face the common prejudices that fatties face, not being seen as a person to experience deep sexual pleasure with including. On the other side of the spectrum, people seem to pursue fatties because we are over-sexualised by the curves and rolls of our skin. But, my fellow fatties, we own our sexual desire. We fuck who we want to fuck. And we do it gooood.
Part of having a healthy and satisfying sex life as a fat person is learning to get over what other people think. If someone genuinely wants to have sex with you for you and your body, you will know. Added bonus, they won’t try and seduce you with the line ‘Your tits look great in that top’. These types of people can be directed to a computer where they can masturbate to their heart's content while fetishising fat women that they’ll never have the pleasure of enjoying in real life. And while they do that, you can grind up on someone else way more worth our time our effort in any which way we choose.
Your stories - the good, the bad, the ugly, and the awkward, have continued to make our day, and every week, we want to hear YOUR stories.
This week, we want to know: Are you disabled and feel like your sexuality is repressed? Are there questions you'd want to find out the answer to, but are often too nervous to ask?