Humpday: The Try Before You Buy Method

Humpday: The Try Before You Buy Method

I have quite an obsessive personality, which means I think a lot, and over-think a lot, and then obsess until the thing I want happens. It’s the obsession when you find the perfect pair of shoes in a shop, and have to analyse every little thing about them before you commit to a purchase. This applies to most aspects and areas of my life, but none as much as getting into bed with a present love-flame. Let’s just say I am an eager beaver, and my beaver is raging and ready.

I've been single now for two years (did I mention I was single?! Only like a million times, my bad), but I've had my fair share of different types of relationships. Short ones, long ones, every type in between. Stay on track folks, I’m not referring to penises. Yet. 

Once I do meet someone, I obsess quite quickly. Not like obsessive with them, but my mind is quickly obsessed with the ‘moment’ happening, the first time sleeping together. I’m obsessing over what underwear I should wear (not that it matters, because it comes off fairly quickly), where it's going to happen, how it's going to happen, if it's the right time to happen. The whole shebang. The reason I obsess so much is because I'm a believer of the ‘try-before-you-buy’ mantra, and if the shoe doesn't fit — that one I have been obsessing over so much and really want to go with my outfit — then I’ll have to put it back on the shelf and leave the shop. 

As quickly as I could jump into bed with them, I could realise that there isn’t actually that sexual passion there, it’s a waste of time pursuing further and that's that. As sad as it is to make that decision, especially if they're a really nice person and we get on well with things in common, that just isn’t enough for me. If there's no sexual passion, our outfits don’t match. 

I've always had respect for religions where pre-marital sex is prohibited, because they have chosen to commit to that person and give them their virginity. I hope that losing their virginity is what they expected with their new husband/wife/favourite person. BUT, what if there's the dreaded moment when you find that after all that time courting and dating and getting to know each other, that there's no sexual attraction or passion? Even after a few tries, there is no chemistry. This may be okay for couples whose sex life is low on the priority list (kudos to them and no judgement, everyone can live how they chose to live), but personally, and for others similar to me, having that sexual chemistry comes high on that list. 

It's totally okay to stop a relationship with someone if they don’t match your ‘life’ outfit. If you're a tartan skirt, why go with a pair of neon-orange crocs? It just doesn’t go together. Instead, find a pair of knee high black boots or go crazy with matching tartan shoes if you're super extra. Whatever you feel makes the outfit great. Whilst unlike a pair of shoes, a significant other or potential lover doesn't come with a receipt, you certainly don't have to waste your time, money and effort. Much like you would with the shoes, pre-purchase, I highly recommending trying before buying. We all know how annoying it is to picture that perfect look in your head before a night out, and something just doesn't sit (or fit) right, so why should we just accept the outfit we're given when it comes to our love — and lust — wardrobe?

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Happy Humpday.